The case for being Sub-Optimal
What if the best version of me just remembers to do the hoovering?
I spend 45 mins choosing a Netflix show. I’ve read over 50 self-help books and I still can’t “help” myself. I ask for recommendations in restaurants because the choice between the three dishes I’ve shortlisted feels like an existential crisis.
“What do I want?” has become “What is the ‘correct’ choice?”
“What should I do” is a pros and cons list.
“What shall I have for lunch” is comparing macronutrients and ignoring it
I have successfully sapped the joy out of everything.
The death of spare time
If I have an idea, I feel the itch to create a marketing and distribution plan for it. It can’t just “be,” and apparently, neither can I.
I’m not just “chilling out” anymore; I’m decompressing or recovering, purely so I can be “better” for the next round of doing.
The Jack Reacher novel on the side
the movies on my “Watchlist”
Unfinished projects sitting there in my Google Analytics account
Toys!
All abandoned for something more productive.
The self help trap
Self-help books are perspective shifts.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, The 4-Hour Workweek, The Alchemist, they are are all rooted in Stoicism.
Live in the moment
Don't worry about the things out of your control
Be happy with what you've got
It’s ironic because the industry thrives on keeping you dissatisfied. Think differently, work differently, build micro habits. God forbid just doing the thing.
Reading about “mindset” for me is high-level procrastination.
It’s disguising not doing the thing that will “move the needle” (and I fucking hate that saying) with progress.
Trust me, you can have the mindset, then decide to still not do the thing. There are 2 types of people.
Those that do the things
Those that don't
Then there's me who starts and has a crisis.
Permission to “Just be”
I am giving myself permission to switch off.
I am reclaiming “piss-about” time that serves no purpose. (I was about to say I’m scheduling it in then, which encapsulates the mess perfectly.)
I’m moving toward making decisions based on instinct:
Eat the thing I’d like the most.
Watch the movie based on the thumbnail.
Pick books by their covers
Go for a walk without counting steps
Get lost in a video game without making it a project (that one sounds quite hard)
Go swimming without counting lengths
Have a thought that doesn’t need to be shared or processed or evaluated.
The capacity pie chart
I’m 40 this year. Is this a mid life crisis?
I’ve done the degree, the car, the wife, the job, the mortgage, the kids, and other institutional bollocks.
Those things don’t just “exist” they fill up my mental capacity pie chart until there’s no room left for a gym membership, let alone a blog or newsletter hobby, like I’m in a brand new rat race.
They all deserve more than 20% of my total capacity, but I can’t have everything. Nothing gets more. Unless something gives.
Yet, here I am, haunted by Maslow’s idea of Self-Actualisation. Of “realising one’s full potential.” documenting it, knowing full well I'm gunna be tired tomorrow. Anyway,
What if the “best version of me” is just me playing Scalextric with the kids?
What if the best version of “husband me” is getting a wash out of the machine and hoovering on work-from-home day?
What if the best version of me is going for a walk without a podcast and coming back with a clear head and watching that movie.
What if the best version of “Work Me” is wearing a Con Air t-shirt, fixing a technical problem, and knowing that starting a new one at 16:45 is a trap.
The sub-optimal manifesto
What if the goal isn’t productivity, efficiency, self-improvement, or doing more.
What if we stop trying to “maximise” a life that is already full? What if we:
Focus on one thing at a time.
Eat when you’re hungry, sleep when you’re tired.
Post the post and let it be. Release it into the wild. Just walk away.
Do what you say. Reliability is the only thing that matters.
Accept being “high-performance” is worthless if you’re never present.
Reclaim the ‘Piss-About’. If it has a goal, it’s work. If it’s useless, it’s life.
Protect the 16:45 Boundary. Knowing when to quit is a superpower.
Hobbies are allowed to be “Level One.” You don’t need to be “good” at your hobbies. You don’t need to “progress” them.
Be ok with playing the same three guitar chords for twenty years because it feels nice.
Judge books by their covers. Life is too short to research the “best” books. If it looks cool, read it.
Accept the Pie Chart. You aren’t lazy you’re just a human with other commitments.
Your capacity is finite. Respect the boundaries of the pie.
Ignore the “Best Version of You.” That guy is an asshole.
Stay sub-optimal. It’s less exhausting.